So, my wife is pregnant. Full on, no-mistake-about-it, pregnant. I'm actually pretty nervous about it. Not the whole "being a dad" part. I think that part will come pretty easily. My job will be fairly simple regardless of the kid's gender.
If we have a boy, my job will consist of:
1. Chucking baseballs at him until he figures out how to catch them. His pro baseball salary will pay for my retirement cabin on the lake.
2. Telling him not to eat his boogers. Pick 'em then flick 'em. We gotta stay classy.
3. Showing him how to fish. There's nothing the ladies love more than a guy who smells like fish guts.
If we have a girl, my job will be:
1. Spoiling her.
2. Telling her, "Go ask your mom", when she's old enough to have "lady questions".
3. Constantly ridiculing whoever is her generation's Justin Bieber.
No, I'm not worried about any of that. I'm worried about the actual birth. How am I going to make it through that? All the blood and things of that nature, the screaming, the crying. I'm getting queasy just writing about it. I have a friend who recently hit his finger with a hammer and he showed it to me the day it happened. It wasn't bleeding anymore but it was swelled up and purple. But I knew that it had previously been bleeding and it so unnerved me that I had to sit down. Now multiply that swollen finger by a million.
I asked Jamie if it would be possible for me to be in another room while she gives birth. Nope. I don't know why she gets the final say in the matter. She'll be in so much pain and agony that she won't even notice all the "birthing stuff" that will be making my tummy queasy. She can be so selfish.
So I made a compromise with her, agreeing to be in the room and hold her hand but I will be allowed to stand with my nose against the wall. Am I going to look ridiculous? Yes, but I will look less ridiculous than if I pass out, hitting the doctor's lap with my face on the way down.
Real Estate Note: The housing market in Dane County is really heating up. In February of this year, there were 140% more homes sold than in February of 2011. A major reason is the affordability of homes, due to the historically low interest rates and low home prices. If you are looking to buy, now is the time.
