There comes a point in every boy's life when he comes to the realization that his parents aren't endless reservoirs of cash and that if he wants the new NBA Stars of Tomorrow Trapper Keeper, instead of the Lisa Frank one he picked up from the lost and found, he's gonna have to buy it himself. I came to that point in 6th grade and got a job.
It seems that every community/neighborhood has a little newspaper with some news about the community but it's basically just advertisements and coupons. It mainly just goes straight into people's trash containers. Ours was called the Good News paper and they needed someone to walk around the neighborhood, dropping the paper at people's doorsteps once a week. I was just the kid they were looking for.
The papers would be dropped off at our door and my job was to fold them, stuff them individually into plastic bags, and walk up and down two different streets, dropping them off on doorsteps. Seems pretty easy, right? I hated it. The whole process only took about 2.5 hours once a week but for those 2.5 hours, I was on somebody else's time, doing what they wanted me to do. Not even my bi-weekly check of $17 was enough to ease my hate. Battling the heat, cold, rain, and snow to deliver a paper that no one wanted was my own personal hell. But it did offer me a few life lessons. Here they are:
1. Never give more than just a passing glance into someone's window. One winter's evening, I was trudging along, earning my sweet paycheck when I stopped at a doorstep and noticed a guy walk by the front window. Naked. Full-on in the buff. He disappeared down a hallway while I stood there trying to discern if what I had just seen was real. I should have just kept walking, convincing myself that the cold was causing my rods and cones to misfire but I didn't move. Five seconds later he reversed course into my line of sight and sure enough, he was sans clothes. I got home and tried to lose myself in back-to-back episodes of Full House but the damage was done.
2. Always show dogs proper respect. I once saw a stray dog on the opposite side of the street and threw a snowball at it. I don't know why. I wasn't that kind of kid but for some reason that night, I thought it would be funny. I missed and continued on my route and forgetting my momentary lapse in judgement, made my way down the dog's side of the street. Unbeknownst to me, he had left a little "token of his appreciation" right on the sidewalk and covered it with snow, knowing I would be coming back that way. I stepped in it and knew immediately which dog had done it and that I deserved it. He's probably not still alive but if I ever see that dog again, I will give him a slight head nod that says "Well played, sir".
3. Never show your friends the $100 bill you found in a bush. This really happened. As I was walking up to a front door, something in the middle of a bush caught my eye. I reached in and pulled out a $100 bill. I couldn't believe it. It was as much as 3 months of my paychecks! I put it in my pocket and continued on my route. A few blocks down, I ran into a couple friends of mine playing basketball and excitedly showed them my windfall. Big mistake. My "friends" followed me along the remaining part of my route, hiding behind parked cars and getting closer by the minute. Luckily I made it home before they got me but to this day I am convinced they would have done me serious harm. $100 bucks split between two 12 year olds is enough incentive to get them to throw off all societal restraints to secure their small fortune.
4. Never lie to your parents and tell them you did your route unless you have a good hiding spot for your undelivered papers. I was invited to go to a friend's house one night but couldn't go until my route was done so I did what any "smart" middle schooler would do. I dumped all the papers in the garage behind my parents' car and stayed out there for about 20 minutes. I came in the house, pretending to be winded and asked my dad to drive me to my friend's house. "Did you really deliver your papers in 20 minutes?", my dad asked. "Yep. I ran the whole way, hence my obvious heavy breathing". My ruse lasted all of 30 seconds until my dad went to the garage. I didn't make it to my friend's house that night or any night for about a month. I think my dad felt slightly bad about grounding an imbecile but he did it nonetheless.
So take it from me. When your kids reach the age of being able to get a job, make them do it. They will learn all kinds of life lessons. I, for example, am not a peeping tom, a liar, or a boaster of money. And I'm kind to animals. Who knows what kind of weird life I'd be leading if it wasn't for that paper route.
Real Estate Note: Foreclosure inventory is down as the market recovers from the recession but they are still out there. If you're looking for a good investment, let me know and I can send you a list of foreclosed homes that match what you're looking for.
