Make Sure You Have A Plan

With Halloween over, it's time to start looking forward to and planning for Thanksgiving. This is typically the holiday that ushers in the Christmas season (the best time of the year by far) and is the only day in which it is acceptable for a man to wear pants with an elastic waistline while eating as much as possible. There are some who say that this is a disgusting, gluttonous example of American greed and selfishness and that we should be ashamed of it because there are starving people in the world. Normally, I would wholeheartedly agree. But on this day, when the whole point of it all is to see how much we do have and be THANKFUL for it, I say go nuts. A great way to show thankfulness for a gift is to thoroughly enjoy it. Also, someone who is truly thankful for something will be more aware of those who don't have that particular something and will be more inclined to share it because they realize that they are not entitled to it, but have been blessed with it. So, with all that in mind, take 1 day out of the 365 and relax the tension on the bungee cords of dietary self-control. Here are some different methods to make your turkey day eating a success. Some are better than others.

1. The Abstinence Method: This method is for beginners only. It seems logical when preparing to eat as much as possible to not eat anything at all in order to have a maximum of free space in the stomach. However, this actually seems to diminish the stomach's holding capacity and can leave the participant feeling full but greatly disappointed. Feel free to point and laugh.

More effective than Ambien.

2. The Stretch It Out Method: The exact opposite of the abstinence method. The theory behind this method is that eating a lot on Thanksgiving morning will stretch the stomach, allowing for plateful after plateful to be consumed during dinner. I can remember using this method inadvertently at the age of 6 when my dad took me to Denny's on Thanksgiving morning so that we wouldn't be in my mom's way as she prepared the dinner. I ate all the pancakes I could handle and we then took a walk through some woods where we came upon a pond. The light snow that was falling gave the scene a very Norman Rockwell-esque look. I immediately proceeded to fall in the water. I will never know whether the large amount I consumed for dinner was due to the large breakfast I had or the hypothermia I was trying to stave off. Jury's still out.

3. The Come Back Method: This involves eating a normal amount and then going back for more while everyone else is watching the football game. This is cheating and cowardly. Don't use this method and then spend Friday telling everyone how much you ate on Thursday. You didn't do it during the meal time. I didn't make this rule known at the beginning because it just seems obvious, much in the same way I don't need to tell you not to shave your grandma's head while she naps. It's obviously outside the bounds of civilized decorum.

4. The Apocalyptic Method: The is the most advanced method, requiring a great amount of mental fortitude and imagination. The user must mentally convince himself that civilization is coming to an apocalyptic end and they may have to wander the wastelands, not knowing when their next meal is going to present itself. Like a squirrel gathering nuts for winter, the user eats the Thanksgiving meal with reckless abandon, storing up energy and calories. Actors and LARP (Live Action Role Playing) players tend to be the best at this method, as fiction and reality are easily blended in their minds. This method does not provide a particularly enjoyable eating experience but the user is usually pleased with the results.

Make sure you have a plan going into Thanksgiving. Having a goal without a plan to make it happen is fruitless. I hope this helps!


Real Estate Note: I keep hammering home the point that right now the market is providing an absolutely amazing opportunity to buy a home. Case in point: Across the country, per capita income has rebounded to 2007 levels while home prices continue to hover around 2002 levels. Those factors, combined with near record low interest rates, have made this a historically great time to buy a home. To read more, check this out: KCM Blog