You Won't Leave Empty-Handed

There is one day of the year when it is socially acceptable to wait in line for hours for a store to open (You hear that, gamers? Only one day). That one day is Black Friday, which is descending upon us in a couple days. I've never actually ventured out to any stores on Black Friday but I have heard plenty of horror stories of people not being able to get what they came to buy or worse, being trampled. In order to help you get what you came for on Friday, I've come up with some methods that will ensure your success (I can't prevent you from being trampled other than telling you not to be at the front of the line) and make sure your loved ones get this year's hot fads. Let's jump right in.

1. Physical Violence: This one is simple. If you see someone snatching up the last copy of season 2 of Glee, just give 'em a right hook straight to the kisser. If you act quickly, you can snatch up the prize and head to the register before they even know what happened. Another factor working in your favor is the absolute chaos and pandemonium of Black Friday. If the punch doesn't land as true as you had hoped, tackle a random shopper and yell "Got 'em!". Since no one was able to definitively peg you as the puncher, you are instantly the hero. I'm not going to promise anything, but the appreciative management may let you into the stock room in back to shop in peace.

2. Employee Uniforms: Have one for every store you are going to on Friday. This will allow you access to anywhere in the store. Don't see any more Blu-Ray players on the shelves in Best Buy? Head into the stock room. Can't find the latest knockoff Gucci purse at K-Mart? Raid the layaway department. Just make sure to bring a different shirt to put on before heading to check out your items. An employee spending their time shopping on the busiest day of the year is sure to raise some eyebrows.

3. Teamwork: If you are a guy, have your wife or sister (actually, any willing woman will suffice) yell "Ryan Gosling!" followed by frantic screams as she runs towards the front of the store, pretending to chase him into the parking lot. This will cut the crowd down by 75%. You and the other men will be free to roam the store unencumbered. If you are a woman, your male teammate should follow nearly the same script, with "Ryan Gosling" changed to the name of your local sports star. It is absolutely vital that your "team" consists of both genders. For example, it is not believable as a woman for your female teammate to run while yelling Ryan Gosling's name without you following close behind. He is apparently that good looking.

4. Shop Online: I could've started and ended with this one but that wouldn't be any fun.



Real Estate Note:  The housing market is heading upward and the media is finally starting to catch on. Here is some good news from CNN Money: Home Sales Rise in October