My Wife Is Fascinating

Sometimes my wife surprises the living daylights out of me. For those of you who haven't had the pleasure of meeting her, she is a short, petite southern belle who loves scrapbooking, tea parties, and fashion blogs. She is a bubbly breath of fresh air when everyone else is being "Negative Nancies". The only time I ever heard her burp, a rainbow flew out of her mouth and she just giggled as she skipped away to go cheer up a sick unicorn. She loves Otis Redding and can quote the entire script of the Notebook without thinking. She lets me watch football at home on Sundays even though she hates "the violent sounds" of it and when I'm sick, she tends to all my stupid whinings and wants without rolling her eyes. She wears a sunhat. Knowing all of this about her, I am surprised when she does something that I think doesn't fall in line with my perception of her. Here a couple of examples.

Once, when we were dating, we were hanging out at her house, trying to think of something to do and she suggested that we go outside and shoot some hoops. I hesitated for a moment, thinking about how lame it would be when we had to stand no more than two feet from the basket so she could at least get the ball up to the hoop and I would have to say "Oooh, so close" every time she took a shot. I said yes because as a guy in a dating relationship, "Yes" is the answer to every one of the girl's suggestions. All you single guys need to take note of this. It is very important:

"Hey babe, do you want to have a picnic in a field of daisies, eat brie and crackers, and journal about our feelings for each other on pieces of parchment that we can bind together with wax that has been melted with a candle that we will light together, signifying the light and heat of our unity?"

"Yes."

See how easy that is? Don't put up a fight. If you do, she will be hurt and you will be back to spending your time playing Call of Duty, talking smack to 12-year olds while you wait for E-harmony to find another match for you. Anyway, we went outside and began to shoot hoops. We started playing H.O.R.S.E. and I quickly found myself worried about losing. She had the best shooting form I had ever seen! I couldn't shake her. I resorted to trick shots, such as shooting from a window on the second floor of the house. I made it and so did she. Luckily, I won (barely) but the game took forever. We haven't played since.

Another surprise came just a few years ago. A friend of mine was the lead "singer" of a scream-metal band and said I should come to one of their shows on a certain Friday night. Jamie and I had planned on going on a date that night so I asked her if it would be alright if we just stopped in and checked out a song or two before carrying on with our date. She said that would be fine and we showed up right as my friend's band was getting started. The place was tiny and the music reverberated through our heads like a jackhammer. My buddy was on the stage, screaming into the microphone as if the microphone had wronged him in the most heinous way possible as people thrashed around, throwing themselves into each other and making me nervous. If someone had slammed into Jamie, I would've felt like the lowest of the low for bringing her in there. I can't verify this, but I think I saw a cat being sacrificed in the back corner. It was an absolutely crazy scene. After the second song, I looked at Jamie with a look that said "I am infinitely sorry. Let's get out of here". She just smiled at me and yelled "This is pretty cool! Let's stay until the end". What?!!? If you brought a flower within 100 ft. of this place, it would've wilted and disappeared in a puff of smoke and dust. Yet here she was, taking it all in and having a great time. She won't watch Die Hard with me because it is too violent but if you invite her to a death-metal show complete with blood and fear, she'll ask "What time?"

She is completely and utterly fascinating.


Real Estate Note: I recently showed a house that had laundry everywhere. I mean EVERYWHERE. It looked like 3,298 people were in the house before being abducted out of their clothes by aliens. Needless to say, my buyers quickly scratched the house off their list. If you are thinking about selling your home and want it to look enticing to buyers, check out these cheap ways to make it look great:
 
6 Cheap Ways to Stage Your Home